I had a difficult coming of age. I had a difficult childhood due to the deaths of my two sisters as many of you know. However, what I did not reveal was how my parents separated and divorced within the same year and how my mom struggled to raise four surviving children on her own while struggling with her own grief. I didn't write about how my older sister began to display classic signs of schizophrenia or how my younger sister displayed emotional disturbance and bipolar disorder. How about my brother's apparent indifference having been the oldest child and only son? That didn't exactly leave a good place for me. I was a middle child...5th, in birth order. What was my niche?
Education became my thing. I had to excel in order to secure my spot in the family. I had to bring home those great grades to receive the appropriate amount of credit or attention in the household. Sure my mom didn't say this but I felt the pressure to be 'normal' and to rise above these things that held my siblings down. So I put my nose in the books and learned as much as I could. My 2nd grade teacher made me promise to keep learning more and more and triumph so I did. My mom wanted me to learn as much as I could, too so she bombarded me with vocabulary books and reading material fit for high school and college since I hit 4th grade. I was smarter than my siblings, "Almost a genius" is all she told me over and over. I learned, learned, and learned.
Today, I realize that education was my solace. It was my escape from my home environment that in the best of times was difficult. My mother wasn't abusive, she just had a lot to cope with and I understood it. I couldn't add to her stress so I buried myself out of sight the only way I knew how...in a book...where I could go anywhere I wanted and be anyone I needed to be to get me through. I still do that from time to time when my life takes a difficult twist. I remove myself from my current situation by reading or studying and then I feel refreshed and that I can handle whatever is ahead of me.
Do I regret making my education my solace and my niche? Not at all. Sure, I can lament my reasons for doing so yet I don't because they helped to make me the strong woman and mother I am today and I wouldn't change that for the world. I strive to be the kind of educator that can help children like me, who seek solace in education. Since I've been there, I know what to look for and exactly how to help.
You are a strong woman Kenya. I appreciate your openness and honesty. I think that you have a huge potential for success and am impressed with your determination. We all do things out of different motives, but I believe that your heart is golden.
ReplyDeleteYou have a burden for those kids with difficult lives and can relate to the toughest of situations. I know that anyone who turns to you for help would never be turned away disappointed. I know that this journey has been difficult and that you have had to make so many sacrifices for your family and loved ones. I believe that your time to rise and shine is here and I have enjoyed getting to know the Phoenix that you are.
Losing your sisters was something that could have terminated your light. I'm so glad that your life was not over that horrific day. God can take our horrific circumstances and create beauty from ashes. Your life's successes will be that glimmer of hope to your family as well as to other people who have gone through hardships too terrible to express. I look forward to seeing your next accomplishments. :)